My first ever blog post.
What a moment! Let’s celebrate!
It’s the full moon on 22 February. I didn’t plan to launch my website on a full moon, it’s just happened that way, which feels appropriate. The manifestation of seeds sown many months ago.
In reality I think that this moment has been building for 3 years.
While I was ill with burnout, depression, stress – you name it, I had it – I often toyed with the notion of starting a blog. I wanted to call it “Diary of a Midlife Crisis, age 52 and ¾” (in homage to “The Diary of Adrian Mole age 13 and ¾” which I’d read 40 years ago).
I’m not sure I’m out the other side of my midlife crisis. Does it ever end? Though I much prefer to think of my breakdown as a breakthrough, a transformative and healing experience. I’m sure I’ll have more to say about this in the coming months.
Reaching this moment of launching my website, and a blog, and a newsletter, is a small drop in the vast ocean of the internet. Yet it is HUGE for me. A real champagne moment (preferably Laurent Perrier rose).
Boy have I grappled with fear and self-doubt, procrastinated and distracted myself along the way to putting myself out there. Eek! Why is it I can happily pitch my stall at a Mind Body Spirit event and spend the day talking about me and my art with complete strangers? Yet when it comes to being visible in cyber space I shrink?
Who would want to read my musings? Who do I think I am? And that old chestnut – I’m not good enough.
I’m always amazed that people read my posts on Facebook. Crikey! People actually read what I write?
What I’ve discovered in the last year of showing my art is that people ARE interested. People have a fascination for the creative process, the story of a painting, the story of an artist. I still hesitate to call myself an *artist*. Putting that on my business card felt very daring, such a grand claim to make, and required far more courage than calling myself a *coach* or a *therapist*. After all, I have qualifications and certificates for those professions.
I guess it depends on how we define *art*. If *art* is about drawing and painting from life in a representational and figurative way then I am not an artist. I don’t do that. And I can’t draw, so I don’t. However:
I am in love with colour
I am in love with patterns
I am in love with the creative process
I am in love with the imaginal
Until 2013 I never knew that there was something called *intuitive art* or *expressive art* or *geometric art*. I never thought I would hear myself say that my protractor and compasses are my best friends having loathed geometry at school. Yet understanding geometry as an expression of divine order in the cosmos…. Well, I find that awesome. And I’ve always been drawn to the esoteric, the intuitive and the alchemical processes.
My discovery of these creative practices has brought joy to my soul and healing to my heart and mind.
And it has led me to this place.
My art makes me happy. And I feel even happier that my art brings happiness to others.
This blog is about my journey to self.
It’s my story of becoming whole-hearted.
It’s my story of becoming an artist.
And my thanks go to many, many people who have given me love, support and encouragement along the way. And a big thank you to Tara Stannard of www.papertara.co.uk , for helping me to create my home in cyberspace.